The Ultimate Fighter 14: Episode 5 Recap

We head into this episode with Team Mayhem having a 4-0 lead over Team Bisping even with a mole infiltrating their ranks. We all know the mole to be none other than one John Dodson, but Coach Jason Miller has not sleuthed this out completely yet (although Jason Miller does seem to know there is a spy and he just don't care).

This episode starts with the song and the photos, as always, and aren't these guys just adorable? So sweet. Anyway, the show really starts at the very end of the Pague-Gaudinot fight from last week.  At the entrance to the locker room of Team Mayhem, psycho Diego Brandao of Team "Poor Sports" starts talking crap to sweet Steven Siler of Team "We are the Champions". He says something barely intelligible but thankfully subtitled about taking off Siler's head. He is restrained by his chuckling fine example of a head coach, Count Michael Bisping, and some other fightestants. Bisping advises Diego to not really kill Siler right then and there because he might break his hand and be out of the competition. Mayhem is all, "What was that cray-cray nonsense?", and then laughs at the silliness because he knows his team has hand. Bisping interviews that Diego is all emotional and unstable and really wants to fight. I really hope he doesn't get picked until the last fight.

Then, we are back at the house and Mayhem makes a visit. He brought Dustin Neace a cowboy hat with a "B" on it, like Josh Ferguson has. Ferguson interviews that this makes Neace a swaggerjacker. Apparently, Neace is having some fun with Ferguson and Ferguson seems fairly good-sported about it, but he'll probably freak out or something.

FINALLY, Mayhem brings up the fact that there is a mole in the house and learns that it is likely Dodson. He is not impressed but rather than confronting Dodson, he says he wants to use it to his advantage. He also says that since Diego wants to fight right away, he's going to mess with him and make him wait another week. Ha! I knew it! This means that Neace and Akira Corassani will fight first, which could be advantageous because of the element of surprise, obviously, but also because Akira has a lot of weight to drop and will be thinking he has an extra week to do it, when he actually doesn't. And it will piss of Diego. Siler and Neace are both in on the scheme and are down for some shenanigans. As they do some interim weigh-ins, you can see John Dodson paying close attention.

At the Team "Defeated" training session, Defeated Head Coach Michael Bisping brags to the camera about his little informant, Johnny Dodson. He LOVES the guy. Of course, someone knows the entire plan for Siler to fight Diego this week because Siler thinks Diego is the toughest dude and he wants an extra week between his fight and the semi-finals. One of the guys on Team "Lose-A-Lot" knows all sorts of details about it, courtesy of John Dodson, who would never lie because he's straight solid like that. Bisping also says he's super excited to see psycho Diego fight and Diego himself says he's 150% ready to kill some dudes.

COMMERCIAL ALERT: We still see a UFC 137 commercial with Condit and St. Pierre. Sad.

It's almost fight time so keep reading after the jump...

Back at the ranch, Ferguson steals Neace's new cowboy hat to, in effect, jack back his swagger. Akira helps him because Akira likes to play jokes. The next morning, Neace can't find his hat and he's sad but blames Akira and wants to kill him. He sets out to destroy everything Akira owns, which seems like a bit of an overreaction. The other, calmer Dustin (Pague) interviews that Neace needs to calm down. Rather than doing that, when they get to the TUF gym, Neace goes into Team Bisping's locker room, sees Akira's bag, and leaves behind him a wake of destruction. Akira is understandably pissed. Tiki Ghosn almost makes a facial expression and Bisping interviews something that I can't understand because 85% of it is bleeped out but I think he thinks the other team has poor housekeeping habits. Then, in the hallway, Akira and Neace say something about a bare-knuckled brawl in the garden, which sounds so poetic, and also get all chesty and in each other's faces about their minor disagreement. It's pretty funny when Akira is seemingly offering Neace a bite of his knuckle sandwich, so much so that even Bisping has to mock him in an interview about his invitation to the garden. Mayhem tells Neace to just relax. Actually, both coaches were very reasonable in this little exchange.

So! Now, it's fight announcement day and you know this will be fun. Diego is actually giggling when he walks in because he thinks he's getting a fight. Neace and Akira will not shut up, either. They are heavily bleeped but say something about making you love me and it makes Mayhem laugh so it must have been funny. Finally, Mayhem stops the madness but not before Akira tells Neace he will make him his wife.

And then! When Mayhem announces that Neace and Akira will be fighting, sooner than they thought, they go out to stare down and Akira bumps Neace and Neace goes for a takedown (and gets it, BTW). They grapple and both coaches and teammates from both teams have to break them up. So, Mayhem has Akira and Team Bisping has Neace, and they all get separated, and then Bisping starts scolding Neace. Mayhem does not like Bisping talking to his dudes and tells him to back the F*** off. Dodson then interviews that all the confusion was his fault but he don't care. Then, Mayhem gives Neace a shoulder massage and almost can't keep it together. He announces NEXT week's fight as Diego Brandao vs. Steven Siler and there is some obvious confusion amongst Bisping's team. And, Akira continues to stare like a serial killer and talks about killing people. As Mayhem walks away to let Bisping and his boys train, Bisping calls him names and complains about him pushing people. Holy hell - this guy's a fighter and he's bitching about getting bumped? Sheesh. Mayhem is sooooo under his skin. Mayhem also lets Dodson know that he's on to him and that Dodson caused all the trouble.

WE'RE NOT EVEN HALFWAY THROUGH AND I AM EXHAUSTED FROM THE DRAMA!

We see Team Bisping training and Coach Mike says he needs to focus and not just be super-hyped. Then, they're grappling and Tiki talks to say that they are focusing on wrestling to help Akira with his takedown defense. He wants to put Akira on his back and tell him to get up. He also echoed Bisping's excellent strategy for fighting from the bottom: STAND UP. Then, we see Team Mayhem training, also grappling, and Neace talks about being a good grappler and not having to work in a factory.

Weigh-ins! And, Bisping is not there. Louis Gaudinot interviews that when Bisping is a no-show, everyone thinks he was out partying the night before and that it's disappointing. Mayhem mocks Bisping's accent. Neace weighs in at 145. Akira weighs in at 146. Mayhem says they take Akira seriously as a talented fighter and kind of a whack job. BINGO! They want to exploit that because they expect Akira to come out too hard and too fast and to burn himself out quickly. When they stare down, someone points out Akira's twitchy face and says he has a "heartbeat in his cheek". Mayhem says it's a gill. Bisping and the coaches finally show up and walk in like they own the place. Josh Ferguson and T.J. Dillashaw then move the giant "M" that was placed on Mayhem's parking spot to the handicapped spot. Pranksters!

Fight Day! Crazy Akira says nothing is personal and that it's all strictly business but that when they picked him to fight, they opened the wrong door. But, nothing personal. Neace seems calm. Mayhem drives in and parks on his "M" in the handicapped space. I bet he gets towed. Can we fight already?

Oh, good. Here we go. Oops - commercials first. NOW, here we go. There's a lot of time left so I think this could be a three-rounder? We shall see. Herb Dean is the ref.

Standing, standing. Bisping coaches that Neace is afraid of Akira. Standing, circling. Neace seems to be applying more pressure at first and Mayhem tells him he can't go backwards. Neace ends up on his back and Akira finally gets on top of him. Akira is not doing much on top except trying to hold him there. Neace wants his arm but doesn't get it, yet Akira refuses to throw punches or try for position. He finally throws a few punches and then goes back to laying there. Then, suddenly, Neace gets his leg in a lovely sort of heel hook and it looked like Akira tapped. But, the fight goes on and Akira gets out of it. Mayhem is yelling, "He tapped!", and Bisping is yelling, "No, he didn't!" But, I think he did. Neace almost gets another heel hook but Akira gets up. They stand and with 25 seconds left, Neace gets a takedown. Akira seems tired. They go to Round 2 with Neace possibly winning the first round.

Round 2 starts as rounds normally start. Bisping reminds Akira to keep his hands high and Mayhem reminds Neace to bring pressure. They're clinched against the cage and Akira lands an elbow and some knees and then they break. There's some stand up with both guys landing some punches. Neace gets dropped by a punch and Akira gets on top and does very little at first but eventually lands some punches. Mayhem tells Neace to stop punching and get up and to cover his face. Akira lands a nice elbow. Neace can't seem to get out of there but he's trying to push off the fence with his legs. Neace is defending from the bottom but he does really need to get up. Herb Dean tells them to work. Neace is trying for subs from the bottom but gets nothing. The round ends and I clearly give this one to Akira.

After the round ends, Akira does some showboating crap right over by Neace and it's really unsportsmanlike and Neace gets fired up and Herb Dean has to separate them. And, the coaches kind of get into and Bisping tells Mayhem to control his team while completing ignoring the fact that he has not actually controlled his own team's behavior. Bisping also tells Akira to not drop to Neace's level. Ummm, dude. He's already down there. AND THEN - OMG DRAMA! Keith Kizer comes into the cage and says to Akira, "There's about to be a suspended fighter. You want off the show?" Then, the fight's over! (Note: Apparently Keith Kizer was upset because there was no confirmation at that point that the fight was over so fighters are supposed to stay in their corners).

Dana recaps and says it was a weird fight, especially with the heel hook where it looked like Akira tapped but it was not called. But, Dana says that if the ref doesn't call a tap, it's not a tap. Dustin was fired up about the non-tap between rounds and was unfocused. Akira dominated the second round and Bisping wanted the finish but didn't quite get it. However, Akira gets a majority decision victory. I guess he didn't win the first round.

Then, as predicted, we see Mayhem's car getting towed from the handicapped space. Bisping is thrilled because he feels he has been completely victimized by everything and everyone to this point and Mayhem's all, "Whatevs, let's go train".

Expect drama next week related to Akira's non-tap, T. J. Dillashaw talking some nonsense and Diego vs. Steven in the Octagon. Good times. And, there will be two fights next week! Happy day!