Woot! We're super excited about tonight's fight card. We've got our bellys full of steak and our Mom in the house. We would like to give a quick shout out to Kendal Grove's big mouth, without which we would not be watching our beloved Mr. Petruzelli on Spike!
Petruzelli vs. Romero
Buffer appears to mispronounce Petruzelli's last name. I am not happy. Mazagatti gets a good round of boos. All I can think of is Seth's ass. I am happy again. Petruzelli is looking good in the first round. I can barely hear myself think over Donna's shouts. Romero is now on top of Petruzelli and Donna is silent. She's such a fair weather fan. Romero is trying all kinds of submissions on Petruzelli who proceeds to get up and punch the crap out of Romero. The round ends with Romero trying another submission on Petruzelli. A quick thanks to Time Warner Cable for the massive amounts of pixelation that randomly appear on the screen. Another $45 well spent.
Our beloved is breathing a little heavy. He's probably just having dirty thoughts about us. We tend to have that affect on people. Petruzelli is doing well on his feet and Romero seems quite dazed. I wish he would just lose consciousness already. Oh my, I have agita. Donna has stopped watching. And with that Petruzelli tapped out. Oy, I think our beloved may have hurt his arm. Ow, the replay looked nasty. Our beloved may have broken his arm. We will not forget this Romero. One day, when you least expect it, we will have our vengeance!
Tuchscherer vs. Schaub
Tuchscherer will from here on out be Tushy. There is no way in hell that I will be typing his name out every time. Preferably, Schaub will kick his ass quickly so that I don't even have to worry about it. Although Tushy does make me laugh. Tushy looks a bit sunburned. I guess he could just be naturally red, but as someone who burns after about 5 minutes in the sun, I feel qualified to say that it is a sunburn. And in the time it took me to write that ridiculous sentence, Schaub wins the fight. Schaub beats Tushy 1:07 in Round 1. Hee hee, I said Tushy.
Pellegrino vs. Sotiropoulos
Seriously, WTF is up with the fighter's names tonight? Let's see.....I'm going with Pele and Soti for this one. What? I'm lazy. I've learned to live with it, you'll just have to learn to accept that about me. Sorry, I got distracted checking out Pele's tattoos and I lost focus on the first minute of the fight. I'm back in it now. Soti dropped Pele with a hit, but Pele makes it back to his feet before Soti can do much damage. Soti seems to be doing some damage to Pele on his feet. Round 1 is over, I'm giving it to Soti.
Pele has a pretty sweet sugar skull tattoo on his left thigh. I'm digging it. This round is mainly on the ground and Soti still seems to have the edge here. Giving Round 2 to him as well. Donna just brought me some pickles and a soda. Sometimes I love her more than I can say. Pele looked great in Round 3, but it's too little too late. Pele ends the round with a HUGE knee. Unfortunately, it was at the end of the round. Let's see if that plays in to the judges decision. We've certainly seen stranger things before. That would be a negative. Soti wins the unanimous decision.
Soszynski vs. Bonnar
Alright folks. I'm feeling inspired. I'm going with Pole vs. Boner for this one. I find myself liking Boner much less lately. I never really thought too much about him before, but now that he's being shoved down our throats as a commentator and host he really kind of annoys the hell out of me. I'm quite sure that this is about 100% due to the fact that he hosted The Aftermath this season instead of our Immortal Beloved. I'm loyal to a fault.
I have to give a shout out to Pole for being ridonkulously jacked. I mean come on, what's a Gal supposed to think about that? Props to Boner for rocking the chest hair. It's very rare to see and I certainly appreciate to display of testosterone. So these dudes aren't messing around this time. Boner is bleeding already. Come on dude, let's deal with the scar tissue already. So they basically beat the crap out of each other for the first round. Sweet!
Round 2 commences and they continue to beat the crap out of each other. Boner hurt Pole with a knee and totally takes advantage. He beats the ever living crap out of Pole and the fight is over. Boner wins via TKO.
Lytle vs. Brown
Woot! War Brown!!! And more delightful chest hair. If only we had Forrest fighting too. I don't know what I'd do with myself. This fights seems slightly tame after the adrenaline soaked Boner/Pole fight. Brown gets a D'Arce choke on Lytle. Lytle gets out of it and they kinda just fight for a while. I'll give that round to Brown.
More fight type stuff in Round 2. Lytle tries out a guillotine and now a mounted triangle. After a nice tea bagging by Lytle, the fight is called. Lytle wins by armbar.
Akiyama vs. Leben
I hope that Leben kicks the crap out of Akiyama, however, I did pick Akiyama to win. Boo, me. The whole Sexiyama thing annoys me. He's alright, but he's certainly no Masato. I was quite turned off by Ickyama's threat to back out of the fight because Leben wasn't a big enough name. I mean, come on, he was Pantydropper of the Week. How much bigger does it get? Bonus points go to Leben for having Nate Quarry in his corner. Super duper extra bonus points go to Quarry for the beard. I'm digging it.
Who wants to be how long it will take for the "USA! USA! USA!" chants to begin? I'm giving it a minute into the first round. Well crap, it took about 2 minutes. I underestimated the crowd. Oh well. I'm giving Round 1 to Akiyama. Akiyama looks a little winded in Round 2. Both guys have been rocked and Leben looks like he's only on his feet due to sheer bullheadedness. Round 2 ends with them beating the crap out of each other. Fun! Leben starts Round 3 with a big smile. Delightful. I really hope that this fight doesn't go to a decision. I'd love to see someone end it. Preferably Leben. Bathroom break. I can't hold it dammit! WOO HOO! Leben submits Akiyama with a triangle in Round 3! Leben proceeds to call out Wanderlei Silva. What an awesome fight. I am quite pleased.
Carwin vs. Lesnar
I'm super duper excited about this fight. I really have no idea what to expect. These guys are both monsters. I can't wait for this one to get going. Holy shit! Lesnar is in big trouble pretty soon into the round. Carwin's fists are ridiculous! I am blown away. Lesnar is bleeding and Carwin is just punishing the shit out of him. Whew. Lesnar manages to make it through Round 1.
Carwin starts his first ever second round. I'm very curious to see how he handles it. Lesnar takes down Carwin and within about a minute he has Carwin tapping out. Wow, what a fight. Lesnar is surprisingly humble in his post-fight interview. What is this world coming to?
by Beth on Jul 3, 2010 9:04 PM EDT
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